There are moments or should I say experiences that are so profound, difficult and life changing we become changed souls. Life changing as in, I am a profoundly different person with an open heart and open mind. The way I see myself, my children and others has changed. Instead of judging a person from their outward appearance, I now give strangers the benefit of the doubt. I look at them through childlike eyes knowing life can be most difficult. I have come to appreciate the road less traveled. We have all parents and more than likely siblings. We have inherited a set of “family dynamics” ideals,values, the language we speak to each other, the way we interact, our judgments, expectations, personality and physical traits which are the foundation of who we believe we are. Each one of us will experience good days, long days, joy, pain, frustration, accomplishment, love, despair and at times feel very alone. We all share the commonality of being human, imperfect and only able to see the world through our own eyes.
My story though not unique for many, has been the journey of a lifetime for me. I have felt love, despair, great accomplishment, great failure, compassion, envy, joy, heartache, happiness, sorrow, married, divorced, connected to my family, disconnected to my family, at peace, at war, in control, overwhelmed, appreciated, disliked, faith, fear, hope, hopeless, charity, selfishness, and survival..Many powerful emotions. My path has taken the high road, the dirt road and the road less traveled. I have had my heart broken, smashed, shattered, and amazingly after each experience my heart heals stronger and seems to beat faster, with greater understanding, compassion, gratitude and most importantly acceptance of all the circumstances I can’t change.
I have learned by heartrending experience that anger, grudge holding, having to be right all come at a premium to those I love the most. Lucky for me, my children believe in ~Parental Intervention~ …You know where your kids are all together and your feeling out maneuvered, outnumbered and all out of any more reasons to continue with what is not working in your life! This intervention as painful as it was…is my story. Anger was my constant companion for years I never knew how angry I was…how angry I felt and how much energy I exhausted daily being angry. I was on the inside looking out... while my children were on the outside looking in. Little could I realize they had the better view. With that being said, I was also willing to acknowledge my issues, take responsibility and apologize for my actions and seek the help that in the end…would save my life. I have been blessed with four of the most amazing children who never gave up on me, loved me unconditionally and supported my efforts to improve. Griffin, Cori, Kylie and Ethan have been my mentors, advisers, teachers and guides as I have relied on their love, patience and compassion to help me overcome my demons and move forward with my life. The only constant love I have experienced up to this point in my life is the love of my children and my dearest friend Laura. I love you all Big… Without your profound love and influence my journey would be meaningless.
Last year after a layoff, I decided to return to school. One of the best decisions I have ever made. I will admit, the thought of going to school with a bunch of kids wasn't very appealing, however the pain of having to work in a passionless job was less appealing. I can't tell you how many incredible experiences I had that first week as I waded through the long process of returning to a community college. Lines, frustrations, no one who could answer my questions and then money.... how was I going to finance my education. After a family conference and a long conversation with my best friend Laura and discussing my options, the encouragement and support were my answers. So goes my story... at 48 I returned to school full time to complete my college education... This past year has been filled with life changing experiences, my chance meeting with Thomas Nazario Law Professor at San Francisco School of Law, who came to speak at MCC for me, on Creating A Meaningful Life. Tom has founded the organization 'The Forgotten International'... his plight is to help the forgotten women and children of the world with opportunities for a better life. I had the opportunity to attend a VIP reception with Jill Biden, PhD.. yes that Biden she flew in on Air Force 2 with her husband VP Biden. I was one of 4 students currently enrolled in the Maricopa System to come and share my story of why I returned to school.
I had the opportunity to meet Bob Shireman the Under Secretary to the Department of Education and ASU President Michael Crow. I shared my story and my passion for learning and the great opportunity I had to return to school. It was a once in a lifetime experience to say the least. A few days later, Jill Biden called me and asked if she could share my story at an educational summit in Chicago. Both Jill and Michele Obama were speaking about the opportunities for women to return to school and in the process change their lives.
I feel that women are the greatest natural resource on the planet, the best investment the government could make. Developing more robust programs for non traditional students (women) to return to school and complete their educations. My experience at Mesa Community College has been amazing. The personal growth I have developed in confidence, determination and knowledge has changed my life. I no longer listen to those who choose to be critical of me or my children, I don't seek the acceptance or approval of anyone, instead I trust that still small voice. I have come to know and trust myself and the values that I hold dear. I have come to a profound realization in my life, it's not always your immediate family who have the desire or ability to be a support system. My greatest accomplishments in life have come when I have exercised belief in myself wrapped in the unconditional love of my children and beloved life long friends.
My profound realization..... “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh” ...
As I returned to school, I made the following commitment to myself. I would give my very best effort 100% of the time...every moment.. My goal has been to finish each semester with a 4.0 GPA. Each time I pull up my grades online....the tears come streaming down my face... just to the right of each one of my classes is an "A"..the tears represented many feelings, emotions and triumphs...especially knowing that what others think of me no longer matters. I am braver than I believed, stronger than I seemed and definitely smarter than I thought....I have now completed 3 semester, my GPA is still a 4.0 and my direction and course are more clear.
My Ah Ha moment....Trusting myself to let go of the painful memories of my past and learning to live in the present moment, right here right now enjoying every moment with my children and my precious little grandbaby, Henli. Thank you Lord for your grace and constant watch. I am so blessed to feel your guidance and experience the little miracles you sprinkle on my little family everyday. Help me to share your light and love.
To those of you who will read this post... I send infinite blessings of peace, joy and love to each of you as you are traveling down your path!
Live with Intensity and Purpose! Come out of the shadows your life is waiting.
Carla
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