I have been blessed with great girlfriends. My sweet mom who suffers from advanced Alzheimer's can't remember much, however she remembers my best friend Laura, as a matter of fact she commented that my friendship with Laura has lasted longer than my marriage. We laughed out loud as we reminisced about the past 26 years. Friendship is a history of profound events. During our 26 years we have laughed much, cried a lot, shared our most personal experiences, been there for each other, experienced births, deaths, we both have traveled to be there in difficult situations, divorce, our children growing up, Cori's wedding, Henli's birth, engagements, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, milestones and great accomplishments. We both lived in Salt Lake at one time. Today I am in Phoenix and Laura is still in Salt Lake, we have lived apart for the past 20 years. There is never distance between us, never an unkind word as a matter of fact there has never been a time we have not talked due to being at odds. Our friendship has endured and flourished.
I have had many women ask me, what the secret has been in our friendship. Laura and I are similar yet different. We are both confident, passionate and sassy. We share a common interest for women's rights, educational and career opportunities and share a strong passion for the generation of our daughters. Here is my top 10 friendship secrets list:
1. Unconditional love and acceptance-no judgment
2. Complete Trust-I know Laura always has my back, she knows I always have her back
3. Respect-we know each other to the core
4. Honesty-we have always told each other the truth in good times and bad
5. Similar beliefs on foundational issues
6. Our friendship is about us, we are not in competition with each other
7. We stay in close contact, talking usually several times a day
8. No topic of conversation is off limits
9. We are more family than friends
10.We both acknowledge how treasured our friendship is
My daughter Kylie shared the following quote with me this morning. I have read this quote many times, but this morning I was listening. I felt each word. Ponder the quote, how does this apply to you.
“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
Yes it's true relationships come to an end for many reasons. I have come to appreciate knowing who really matters in my life, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. Friendship was never designed to be a hardship or complication but an extension of oneself. When my marriage dissolved, the hardest part for me was not losing my husband, instead it was losing a friend, that I thought was my friend. I was devastated to learn my "good" friend decided it was more important for her to be romantically involved with my husband than honor our friendship. There are no words for the level of deception I felt. Both her and I made peace years ago, but I no longer include her as a friend. That title is reserved for those who earn it.
A good friend is the remedy for the daily abuses we field from others long our path. I am surprised at the number of women I talk to who have no close girlfriends. Each admit they feel like they are missing out. Many women really feel this especially when a death or divorce shows up. There is a great opportunity for each of us to be on the look out for a friend.. There are so many who long for friendship and acceptance. There is an unspoken 'sisterhood' that does exist.
There is no question having Laura in my life as proven to be one of the greatest blessings in my life. Her constant inspiration and encouragement have been a much needed foundation in my life. What is the worth of a great friend? Just ask Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte..The girls from Sex and the City, they will tell you... it is cheaper than therapy!
Take an inventory of your friends... size them up and be honest about your friendships that are treasured and those that are barely breathing. "Don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
Be the friend you wish to see in your life!
Live with Intensity and Purpose!
Carla
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