What's the Point ...

of all this, If your not going to let this change you?

I first saw the movie, "To Save A Life" in February, based on a good friend's recommendation. Karen and I see a lot of movies together and she said this was one of the best movies she had ever seen. There was no world wide red carpet event, no big dollar Hollywood stars, no big media blitz and no midnight showing. What this movie does share is a profound message of unconditional love, forgiveness and the changes that occur when you place more of an emphasis on the needs of others than yourself.

The story is the amazing journey of a young man named Jake Taylor. Jake has an enviable life, on the outside he is devastatingly handsome, very athletic, a great student, dating the most gorgeous girl.. and heading off to college in the fall on a full ride Athletic scholarship. His dream is becoming his reality. The blind spots in his life will prove to complicate his future.

His journey starts when an estranged friend takes his life. If you haven't seen the movie go rent it or buy it. I don't want to spoil the outcome and your experience of watching the movie.

The point that I will make is this. How many of us walk through each day oblivious to those around us? How many of us parents really understand the struggles our children are facing today with intense peer pressure. The need to be beautiful and thin while fitting into the 'popular' group. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, sex, sexually transmitted diseases and suicide are all very harmful to our children and destroying families and communities.

What can we as parents do to reconnect with our children who are distant? As a single parent for years (especially during high school) I found myself at times very distant from my children. Being a part of a faith based community it's easy to compare yourself to the Cleaver's who live down the street behind their white picket fence filled with sunshine and rainbows, while at my house an occasional thunderstorm passes through and I feel like a failure. Yes I did hear a couple of times, how sad your single, divorced kids don't have a chance... I did have my challenges with my children and at times felt very overwhelmed, out numbered and alone. However I am happy to say our family has healed the wounds from our past. Each of us has learned to communicate in truth and listen with compassion. During those early years after my divorce it was difficult dealing with typical 'teenage' issues when I was going through my own stuff. I had to learn to make changes, like really being present and listening. To many times as adults do we stop and really listen? Or do we fire hose our children with blah blah blah? If your not connecting your child is not listening... the outcome will always be frustration and anger for both parties.

First off... you are not alone! There are unlimited resources available for you to navigate through the really difficult parts. Counseling and support groups are readily available. I was so fortunate to have my best friend Laura. I can discuss anything with her because she is a big heart with ears. There is never any judgment, she loves my children and they not only return her love, they respect her.

Also... when we teach our children to pay (random acts of kindness forward) we are setting the foundation for our children to value others more and minimize the amount of time spent on themselves. I love the scripture from Mosiah 2:17

"When Ye Are in the Service
of Your Fellow Beings Ye Are Only in the
Service of Your God" (Mosiah 2:17)

Your children are less likely to hear what you say... but they are most likely to follow your example.

Take an inventory of the lesson's you have taught your children... while being equally as honest about the crucial life lessons you have withheld for what ever reason. There is no success for failing in your home. Take the time to instill in your children the unconditional love you feel for them everyday. Let your children see you practicing forgiveness while never letting them hear you judge another.

Teach your children to open their eyes and hearts while walking through life. After all what's the point of all this if your not going to let it change you..

Live with Intensity and Purpose! Make every moment count!

Infinite Blessings

Carla